Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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