'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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