every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I believe in your delicious
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
