i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
