Buhtt sex?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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