Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
