He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
