wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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