I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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