at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
