"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
