We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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