I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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