Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
