So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
