I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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