so explain again why im purple
no
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
