Soap is not a condiment
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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