just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
