..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
