Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
