I think my fart just growled at me.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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