I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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