i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
