Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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