LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Vodka?
Forever.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
