Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
