Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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