trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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