She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
