I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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