Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
