You smell like a Billy Joel song
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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