So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
