I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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