and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize