i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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