Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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