have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
