new low.... made out with someone while peeing
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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