I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
