I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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