I just pynch a tree in the face
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize