Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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