I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
we're making bets on your personal life
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
