Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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