My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
