I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
