Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
