: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
