Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
