i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
