Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize