Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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