all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
