Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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