I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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