That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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