I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize
