I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
