the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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