her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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