I hate all girls vehemently.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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