nut hugger
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
