Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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