Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
