Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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