i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize